Being authentic

E.M. Forster is a supurb author. I have reread each of his books since I discovered him two years ago. Tonight I rewatched 'Room with a View' on Youtube. The movie does not quite capture the book but only because with it's limited capacity it cannot do so.

I love George Emerson. He seems to push against all the boundaries of the human mind. He romantices atheism as a clean version of being human. Reset all attributes. Back to default before we messed people up with the idea of sin and god and society. He is not muddled. His vision is clear. I love him for it, and I wish to be like him. I cannot bring myself to deny the existence of gods, but I wish to have vision that is clear and a mind that abhors muddles.

I decided to search 'being authentic' on google after watching the movie. Hey, I'm a student during Christmas break. What would you have me do?

"When you live an authentic life, you are living the life that resonates with your inner being. You will not bind yourself with destructive habits, relationships or lifestyles. You will gain inner strength and let go of manipulation, power plays, cruelty and hatred." Selfgrowth.com

But this is all wrong! Being authentic isn't about what is inside you. You aren't special. This is the problem with most self-help work. It is all about the self! Or maybe that is just me thinking self-help is idiotic. But seriously!

Being authentic will not necessarily help you. It will give you moments where you feel better about yourself. But it does not help you because your life will be harder. Being honest doesn't make life easier, it makes you more alive. Being more alive is sometimes painful. Sometimes you will succeed but there are other times when

you will suffer, and suffer all the more that you understand your suffering.

Why follow a path that will lead to pain? Because I want to know! It is like the choice between living a life plugged into the experience machine or living in reality. I don't care if reality isn't as enjoyable, I want what is true. I shall start exploring the borders now. Hopefully there will be no raids on the city well I'm gone. The roads will probably be improved in the process.

I would like to draw the metaphor back, to see that I wish to secure the pathways of knowledge and understanding within my own mind. Not build up a wall and say 'this is where I can no longer understand' but improve the areas in which I feel secure in order to make raids on the ones I do not and to return with the rewards.